The power of knowing your self worth

I want us to dive into an incredibly important topic - self worth. This is one of those things that most of us put to the side because sometimes it’s hard to face and it’s easy to just “work on it later”. But as you’ll see in this blog, discovering my self worth was critical for me to find success in my life, and I’m certain this will be the most valuable thing you ever do as well!

Plus, most of us are still in some form of isolation or lockdown, so if you’re stuck in a house with no one but yourself, self worth is even more important - you can’t ignore it!

So although self worth is always an important thing to work on, right now it’s even more important to address.

Even in isolation with COVID, life has been full for me. I’m sure you have a crazy to-do list sitting right there too and you might even be thinking you’ll put this off until later... Please don’t! Just being here right now and devoting 2o minutes to yourself to read this blog is a great act of self love - you’re off to a great start so don’t quit now!

Before we get into it, I’m going to be giving you a few activities to do and I want to make sure you’re getting honest and real with yourself here. No sugar coating - that doesn’t serve anyone. It’s time to dig deep and get to the core of your soul, free of judgement.

Whether you’re in lockdown still or not, the truth is you’re stuck with yourself 24/7! You’re constantly listening to that voice inside your head - you can’t escape her.

While you might not be physically talking to yourself (or hands up youre one of the crazies like me that actually does talk out loud ha ha), those inner conversations are happening 24/7 and they are important because they will determine your actions, feelings and ultimately your quality of life.

Think about it for a second…

• How often are you listening to that voice in your head?

• Is she in control, are you even aware of her?

• How many times in a day do you let her compare you to other people?

• How often do you tell her that she’s not welcome? Do you ever?

• How often does she tell you you’re not good enough, fit enough, smart enough?

• How often does she take over and make you pull away from something in your life that you really want to do, and that you would do if she wasn’t in your ear convincing you not to?

If you’re sitting there thinking “yep, that’s me!” well, that means you’re normal! 

Now I’m going to share with you my own story with that voice inside my head, and how she once ruled my life when I was at rock bottom. I’m also going to share with you how I regained control and turned my life around.

How I discovered the power of self worth

About 11 years ago I was living  a very different life to what I live now - I might have been 22 or 23, I was in my last year of university, so I was already a frazzled and a stressed out human being.

The 2 guys I had dated prior to this time had both cheated on me - those relationships ended badly. I was also in my 3rd serious relationship at this time.

I had entered this relationship with the mindset that I wasn’t worthy enough for a good guy. I had it in my mind that “all men cheat” and I just assumed that would always happen.

My self worth was non-existent, so you can imagine the type of guy I attracted to myself having this mentality.

This guy I was with was a typical bad boy. He was young, hot, funny and into partying, drugs and alcohol. He was emotionally unstable and abusive - he was not good for me at all.

The only reason I allowed myself to have a relationship like this, and stay in it, was because I believed that’s what I deserved. Now at the time I wouldn’t have ever recognised that or physically said it out loud, because it was a subconscious belief and story I was running in my head. I didn’t consciously believe relationships could be better than that, and if there were unicorn men out there, well I wasn’t the type of girl who could have that fairytale relationship.

Not only was I allowing myself to live in this toxic relationship, but I was also trashing my body. I was eating junk food, drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes! I was sleeping less than 5 hours a night, I was stressed about uni, stressed about my toxic relationship, I hated my job… I was burning the candle at both ends.

I had no idea how to nourish my mind, body and spirit - I had absolutely no idea how important that was or where to even start!

I ignored so many warning signs my body was trying to give me - I was always sick, I got rashes all over my skin, I had bad cystic acne, my hair was falling out and I had bald patches! I had so many nutritional deficiencies.

That year, at the lowest point of my life, I didn’t have an ideal relationship with myself, or with anyone!

In my head it just wasn’t clicking - the thought of leaving this guy and turning my life around was so scary to me.

Then I left uni and started working professionally as a theatre nurse, and I met so many amazing people (adults) who were living for a purpose. They were doing great things and helping other people - they had a vision. I also met men (apart from my dad) who spoke so highly of their marriages and kids and its where I was first exposed to lovely family guys - “wow, they exist” I thought! I had always looked up to my dad and the way he looked after us girls in the family… but I just thought that chivalry was dead and couldnt exist in the 2000’s.

This was when I was introduced to another world - the professional working world. I made new friends - people who were actually nice to me and genuinely interested to get to know me. I was inspired to go to work because I didn’t feel like a kid there and the friendships that started to flourish there inspired me to grow up and be a better human.

Isn’t it incredible what can come from changing your circle of influence? After all, they say you are the average of the top 5 people you hang around.

So my question to you right now is who do you have around you in your life who :

• isn’t influencing you in the best way

• making you feel worse about yourself

• isn’t allowing you to evolve and be a better human

and lastly, who do you follow on social media who isnt serving you or making you feel great? Time to cut the cord my friend!

I slowly began to realise that life could be so much better once I started to hang around different people and follow inspiring people online! Little by little I started changing things and I stopped tolerating the way I was being treated in my relationship.

Eventually, I left that guy after finding out about his behaviour around other women when I wasn’t around and I spent weeks in bed crying about it - I was having anxiety attacks, I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t sleeping - I was a hot mess.

It took a very long time for me to get through that 3rd kick in the guts … another guy who had mistreated me - it actually took me a good year to completely get over it. I’ll never forget the advice a great friend said to me about that breakup, he said “try having four seasons on your own - winter, spring, summer and autumn - and see what happens”.


Far out that was the best advice I followed, I had never been single for longer than 3 months before that, so I did get over it and I let go of that time and I learnt to be alone and I really got to know myself outside of a relationship. I met the real Chani.

I finally stepped into living the life of my dreams, learning my purpose and then finding my beautiful now husband, who loves and respects me and treats me like we all should be treated.

As I gradually began to fill my life with more good things - books, learning, healthy food, movement - I began to also stop doing those things that didn’t serve me.

So I’m going to share with you how I did it.

You don’t have to be at rock bottom or in a bad relationship to be a prisoner to that voice in your head.


We all have it.


That voice is stopping you from achieving your dreams, and fulfilling your purpose in life - it’s holding you back.

Matty and I were actually friends for about 5 years before we began to date. This ridiculously amazing guy was under my nose the whole time hehe…

One thing I’ve learnt from my own experience and also coaching so many clients, is that as women we tend to stop ourselves from going down this beautiful path of fulfillment because of that voice inside our head. She runs the show.

If you haven’t yet been acquainted with “her” you can recognise her because she’s that nasty, egotistical voice inside your head that tells you you’re not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, whatever enough!

We all have that voice - she speaks to you worse than you would ever speak to someone else! It’s so crazy that we let her talk to us that way.

So let’s get into the details of deconstructing that voice inside your head, and learning exactly how she works. We’re going to find those patterns that bring her out, and discover how to take the control back.

Activity 1: What do you want in life?

Start by writing down what you really want in your life.

It might be a dream home, a dream job or business, a dream appearance, a state of mind, a lifestyle...anything that lights you up when you think about it.

Now look at your list and think about why you want it. Do you want that thing out of love or fear?

Here’s what I mean - In life we always make choices based on either love or fear - every single choice is driven by one or the other!

For example, you might say ‘yes’ to someone even though you want to say ‘no’, because you’re afraid of what they might think of you.

You might apply for a job you really don’t want, but you’re scared because you need to pay the bills.

You might drag yourself out of bed in the morning to go to a gym class. But you’re not doing it out of love for your body, you’re doing it because you’re scared of being overweight.

So look at your list and be honest with yourself - consider if you want those things because they will make you look better to other people, or do you truly want those things for yourself?

The next thing to do is look at the things that you want out of fear and change your mindset.

How can you switch your mindset to wanting it out of love?

For example, let’s look at exercise. If you want to look a certain way or lose weight, you might exercise every day because you hate the size of your thighs and you desperately want to look good in a bikini for summer. 

Let’s change this mindset to - I want to exercise because I love the way it makes me feel! I love those endorphins running through my body, I love how grateful I feel for giving myself time to exercise.

That is how that thing you want - an appearance or fitness goal - becomes something you want out of love for yourself instead of fear of looking bad.

Another example is dieting - we restrict ourselves from eating delicious food because we want to look a certain way. So rather than acting out of fear and limiting yourself, let’s switch that mindset to eating with the goal of nourishing your body.

Can you see the difference between a fear vs. love based goal? I promise this will be so powerful when it comes to actually achieving your goal!

Activity 2: Unrealistic expectations

The second thing I want you to write down are all the expectations you have of yourself.

While setting big goals is a healthy thing to do - I always encourage everyone to think ahead and work towards something - setting realistic goals is very different to having unrealistic expectations of yourself.

So I want you to take a step back and think about whether you’ve got too many expectations on yourself - have you set yourself up for failure with unrealistic things you’ll never achieve?

Have you put a specific date or timeline on a goal that might be overwhelming you?

It’s important to make your goals realistic, because you need to actually be able to achieve them!

So start by writing down those expectations you have on yourself, and get honest with yourself.

Now you have your list - ask yourself: 

• Would I ask my best friend to do these things, would I expect them of her?

• Would you expect your best friend to lose 10 kgs by the end of the month?

• Would you expect her to find her dream relationship by the end of the year?

• Would you expect her to look perfect all the time?

• Would you put an expectation on her to have crazy next level business growth in the next 3 months?

When you have these unrealistic expectations on yourself, that negative voice inside your head has a little party - she’s loving it.

You must refuse to play her game.

Now cross out those unrealistic expectations you have - physically draw a line through them and release them. Its time to set new ones that are more realistic. Tell that voice you are not going to play her game. You are here in the present and life is perfect right now - you are perfect the way you are right now.

What I don’t want you to do is take this as an opportunity to give up on all your goals and dreams. No. We can still have those, but we can also right now declare that we have long term vision and we understand the magic is in the process, not the result (ps… I got that line off one of the jumpers I designed from The BIB shop)

When you have these unrealistic expectations on yourself, it means you’re not living in the present moment - you’re living life in the future, or even in the past! Expectations ruin everything, especially your quality of life in the now!

I don’t share this enough but earlier this year I created a non for profit merch store! 100% of the profits from it go to a new non profit charity that our team chooses every quarter. This is one of the jumpers and it’s my fave! Its called The Magic Jumper.

Activity 3: Fulfilment

The next activity is about fulfillment - we need to do things in life that make us happy and that make us want to jump out of bed every day and do the things we want to do. I call them hedonistic items or a hedonistic list.

Think about:

• What do you do everyday that makes you happy?

• What in your life makes you smile and laugh?

• Is there a time when you take time out to do something for yourself?
  
  

For me it’s things like reading a sitting in the sunshine, eating yummy food, watching an entertaining show and chilling out on the couch with Matt and/or playing with my puppy & having cuddles with her, beach walks, watching the sunrise or sunset…

Write down those things that make you happy - things you look forward to doing in your life, both big and small!

Now flip it…

• What do you do in your life that doesn’t make you happy? 

• Is there something you do out of fear?

• Is there something that makes you feel small, or gross - something you dread?

Maybe it’s a task you dislike, or maybe you actually seriously don’t like going to the gym and doing weights?

I used to do this with the gym - I’d flog myself in the gym every day because I wanted to change the way I looked. I really didnt like doing heavy weights at the time but I saw so many women online with my dream body doing it, so I forced myself to the gym to do it & it made me dread the gym.

I worked out the type of exercise I actually do love and changed it up so im going to help you work this out too…

Write down those things you don’t enjoy.

Now let’s write a new list. Write down 20 things that you are good at and do love to do!

For me - I’m great at creating, photography and editing, content creation, thoughtful gifts, organising, decorating, wrapping gifts, practicing self love, telling stories, teaching and mentoring, goal setting, helping people, decluttering, inspiring people, etc!

Now you have 3 lists - happy things, sad things, and things you’re good at.

Now start fresh on a new page and call this page the joy menu - we’re going to write a list of things that give you joy.

Take a deep breath and think about 10 things to put on your joy menu (otherwise known as your hedonistic list) that are a mix of things you’re good at and things you love to do. These will be things you do that make you SO happy - they put a smile on your face and you want to do them all the time!

I encourage you to put this list up somewhere you’ll see daily.

Use this list at times you’re feeling a bit down, or frustrated, or overwhelmed to stop you from delving into that ice cream tub, or sitting there giving yourself a pity party... Choose 1 or 2 things from your Joy Menu and do them to make you feel better!

That voice in your head thrives on pity parties, so let’s use that joy menu as a weapon against her - we won’t let her win!

Activity 4: Holding onto the past

The next activity involves looking at things that we hold onto from our past.

Most of us have things that have happened (or maybe things that are happening now) that we like to dwell on - we have those pity parties about them -maybe you got fired, or had a relationship end badly, or you can’t lose weight, or someone hurt your feelings…

We hold grudges, and we continue telling ourselves this story in our head - or we even tell other people this story. It becomes who we are and why we are this way.

I’m not saying our past is insignificant, but I am saying we need to stop holding onto this thing and defining ourselves by it because it’s holding us back.

That voice in your head thrives on these stories of the past - she makes you continue going over and over that moment until you get into that “I’m not good enough” rut again.

So think about what you’re holding onto from the past that needs to be let go of and write it down.

For me, my story constantly revolved around the 3 guys who cheated on me.

I would tell people about how these guys cheated on me and the story of each. I would tell myself that that’s just how guys were and couldnt envision a happy relationship where both parties are respected and so in love. I let this story control me.

But a crazy thing happened when I finally let go of this story (after the four seasons of being on my own… I got to know my self heaps)…

All of a sudden I met Matt, and he proved to me that the story I was telling myself was in the past and my future could be different if I chose it to be.

So it’s time to stop bringing your story up.

Now write the following down in caps:

• YOU ARE NOT YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES

• YOU ARE NOT YOUR EXPERIENCES

• YOU ARE NOT YOUR PAST

Consider what this means for you, really take it in - what has happened to you in the past does NOT define you, and it certainly doesn’t define where you are going in the future.

Now it’s time to scribble out that story you wrote down. Let it go.

If you’re a bit crazy like me, you can even burn it and have a ritual under the moon where you completely just let go of that past story - it’s very powerful to physically get rid of a negative thought like this! Another way to let go is to think about your story in the shower and watch the thoughts be taken away down the drain with the water running off your head.

Sounds weird I know, but it works.

Activity 5: Gratitude

There’s one last thing you can do to allow yourself to completely let it go…

It’s being grateful

Gratitude is so powerful.

I use a gratitude journal daily, and I highly recommend getting one for yourself. If I forget to use mine, my day just doesn’t flow.

Here’s how I use it:

• I write down 3 things I’m grateful for when I first wake up in the morning.

• I then write down the things I’m grateful for that are going to happen in the future (manifestation at its finest) and why. I really relish in the emotions of that event happening and the gratitude I feel for it.

• Then before bed, I either write down 3 things or Matt and I ask each other 3 things we’re grateful for happening during the day

When you can be grateful for those tiny things in life, you have no idea the kind of abundance and positivity you’ll attract to your life!

And if you can be grateful for those things that have happened to you in the past, that’s the ultimate win! Think about the lesson you learnt from that event, the person you had to become, the characteristics you had to take on to get past it. It’s seriously amazing when you change your perspective and it’s a big kick in the guts for that voice in your head and it shows you’re in control and won’t be listening to her negativity any more.

While I get that it’s hard to see the good sometimes, know that it’s always there somewhere. Everything teaches us something, or leads to something good happening, even when it doesn’t initially feel like it.

When one door closes, another one opens.

Now, write down 3 things right now that you’re feeling grateful for.

And I encourage you to do this daily from now on, if you don’t already! It’s so simple, but I promise it will change your life.

Now, more than ever, is the time to work on your self worth. Some of us are still in lockdown, stuck with ourselves, and if we don’t take the time now, when will we ever do it?

I know it can seem like a trivial thing, or that those activities I took you through won’t make a difference, but trust me - as someone who has been through it and come out the other side - this will honestly be the best thing you ever do.

My self worth is so high and I honour and value myself and my time immensely. I can’t tell you how good it feels to be like this.

Bad chapters can still create great stories. Wrong paths can still lead to right places. Failed dreams can still create successful people. Sometimes you need to lose yourself to find yourself. Life is lived through perspective, you just gotta choose your view wisely ✨

A strong self worth is the foundation of:

• Great relationships

• A successful business venture or career

• Ultimately, your level of day-to-day happiness

So yes, it’s important.

If you’ve read all the way to this point and you haven’t done the activities yet, please do them - now’s the time! There’s so much magic in actually physically writing the answers out as opposed to just thinking about them. Grab a piece of paper or a notebook and a pen and get to writing.

Don’t let “her” (the negative voice inside your head) win - it’s time to take the power back and live the amazing life you deserve.

I really hope this served you today,

Chani x